I cried.
I cried after listening to this really beautiful song. It's sung by Jade Kwan 关心研. She happens to be one of the singers that I really like, and I only found out today that she's a Christian.
It's amazing how God speaks to us - through the Bible, through a friend, and today, He spoke to me through a song.
There are two lines in this song that struck me real hard today.
The first line is 尘俗的爱只在乎曾拥有，一刻灿烂便要走。( I'll let you know why this line struck me in tomorrow's post, wahaha )
The second line is 惟求奉上生命全归主所有，要将一切尽献于我主的手，我已决定今生再没所求，惟望得主称赞已足够。
Why I felt so strongly about the second line?
I think that right now, I am going through quite an interesting phase of my life, where I'm about to finish my studies, about to step out into the society and work. I have been thinking, where do I want to settle down, should I come back to Malaysia? Stay in the US? Move to Hong Kong?
It would probably be easier if I am not studying music, in one of the very best contemporary music school no less, I constantly feel the need to live up to people's expectation, to be working hard and writing more music, to be 'successful'. People in Boston are so talented and intellectual I feel I have to work 10 times harder to achieve what they could.
Right now you must be thinking I am an over-achiever. Well, truth is I've been brought up by a father who is a perfectionist, and being a perfectionist he wouldn't expect anything less than perfect. Don't get me wrong now, he loves us ( I have a brother and a sister), and he would be there to cushion us when we fail - that much I'm sure, but he also made a point when he said that you have to be the best of the best in order to survive in this society and if you want a comfortable living.
Over time, I start to take matters in my own hands instead of relying on God. When I heard this song today, the second line that struck me says : "to uphold all my life to God, offering all I have to the hands of God. I've decided that I don't want any other things but God's praise." I remember close to 7 years back, I pray that my life would be an offering to God, so that I may glorify Him in everything I do. Looking back at these past 4 years of my life, I know that I have not live up to my promise.
I cried. My spirit grieved.
I prayed, God answered.
It's again crazy how this awesome God shows me answers to my prayers. The past two years I have been praying lesser and lesser, I asked God after listening to the song:" WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME? Do I cease praying because I lost faith in you Lord? Do I start taking charge and ignoring you because I forgot that YOU should be the center of my life? " I told him that I feel lonely, sad, afraid. Afraid that I am not what my parents wished I would be, sad that I wouldn't be able to achieve something great in my life, and I'm lonely because there are just too much on my mind sometimes and there's no use telling others because they probably wouldn't understand.
I prayed that He will speak to me.
The answer came when I started up my Bible app. Today's verse of the day is Colossians 2:9-10 but I went on and read the whole chapter anyways.
Colossians 2:5-10
"For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.
For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority."
Indeed, God is the head over every power and authority, we are born again in Christ, we are God's beloved children. Our Father sacrificed his beloved son for us, why should we be afraid? God wants us to be rooted and to be built up in Christ, what does it mean to be rooted? I guess that would mean following the teachings in the Bible. I'm again reminded that in Christ we are brought to fullness. I think back to all the times I'm afraid of stepping up, to just be brave and do something, to go for a jamming session for example - if we are brought to fullness in Christ, why should I worry about how others see me, how others criticize me. If the Lord can accept me, why can't I accept myself?
All these I know deep down in my heart, but to be strengthened in the Lord after deviating from his path for so many years, I fear still. At the same time, I know that God has a plan for me, and I pray that He will show me my way when it's time.
Goodnight for now ! There shall be another update tomorrow.
MUCH LOVE from me to you . =)
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